I’m in the process of reading a new book from Dr. Patricia Ariadne, entitled Drinking the Dragon: Stories of the Dark Night of Soul. I can already see from what I’ve read so far that this is a very substantial work and will be a valuable resource for anyone seeking reference points and guideposts to facilitate a deeper understanding of the “dark night” experience.
Drinking the Dragon features several pages of excerpts and discussion of material from my book, Iron Man Family Outing. I’m pleased and honored by Dr. Ariadne’s inclusion of this material, and impressed with her presentation of the excerpts she chose and her integration of the excerpted material into the larger themes and narrative of her book. Seeing my words and my story re-expressed and recast in this new context is an encouraging affirmation of the value of my work.
As Dr. Ariadne says in her introduction to Drinking the Dragon, “a dark night can appear more than once in a lifetime.” The arrival of her book could hardly be more timely for me, as I’ve found myself on the path of the dark night experience once again.
Four months ago, I was sailing along. I’d completed the manuscript for my second book, Scapegoat’s Cross, a few weeks earlier and had just done my very first internet interview for Iron Man Family Outing. I was excited about moving forward with both books and full of ideas for doing so. After twenty years of struggles, disappointments, and false starts, I felt that my work had finally begun to gain some momentum. Then I took a bad fall in a parking lot, breaking multiple bones in my right wrist and right shoulder. I’m right-handed. Instant dark night.
A complicated 3 1/2 hour surgery to repair my injuries was successful, and after four months of physical therapy several hours a day, my right arm is now about 85% functional. I’m once again able to drive and take care of my own shopping, laundry, and other basics (which is a tremendous relief), and I went back to work recently for the first time since getting hurt after being out for over three months. So the physical part of my recovery is going well, and I’m grateful.
The psychological part is … complicated. The nature of the injuries (losing the use of my writing arm) was bad enough, but the timing seemed especially cruel given where I was with my two books, how long I’d waited to get there, and where I thought I was going. As I said, I’m doing well now physically and I’m very grateful, particularly given the severity of my injuries, but I still feel like I have a long way to go in terms of understanding, accepting, and integrating what I’ve experienced and how it’s affected, and continues to affect, my life.
I’m also suffering with a monster writer’s block that’s about as bad as any I’ve ever experienced. It takes a ridiculous application of time and effort on my part just to write a coherent sentence these days. A friend has suggested that this may be an aftereffect of the physical trauma from the fall. I think he’s probably right, but my experience so far tells me that the psychological trauma, which was and has been significant, is a factor as well. Of course, as I’ve previously written, the psychological is often packaged and carried in the physical, waiting for us to give it access and expression.
I continue to work through my experience with the fall, the injuries, the aftermath, and the effects on my life. My sense right now is that the whole thing is just too big for me to process at this point, and it’s too early for me to know what it might mean to me. I’ve learned that these processes have their own life and yield their rewards in their own time. It’s been very hard for me to accept such a severe and dramatic derailment of my hopes, dreams, and plans, but Dr. Ariadne’s book is a great reminder to be patient with the process, to trust it, and to allow it to play out to its full fruition.
I’ll be spending more time with Drinking the Dragon in the coming months, as I continue to make my way through my own (latest) dark night. I believe that Dr. Ariadne has written a book that is very timely for all of us, both as individuals and as a culture, and I hope she is very successful in reaching the broadest possible audience of readers.
For additional information about Dr. Ariadne and Drinking the Dragon, please visit her website at http://www.drariadne.com. The site includes an excellent introductory video by Dr. Ariadne, which I highly recommend, describing the dark night process. The video is located at http://www.drariadne.com/introvideo.html.
Sol Associates will be offering two process groups for men in the Austin area starting later this month:
BEING MAN (click here for details)
Group leader: Steve Milan, LCSW
Group Co-Leader: Shelley Imholte, LMSW
LIVING FULLY AS MAN (click here for details)
Group leader: Steve Milan, LCSW
Assistant leader: Rupesh Chhagan
Material from Iron Man Family Outing and Scapegoat’s Cross will be used in both groups as follows:
The group will do a small amount of reading each week from writings by David Deida, Rick Belden, Chogyam Trungpa and others as a starting point for seeing our full role in the world. These writings have different takes on the journey of being, and we will work with these alternative perspectives to find our own path.
These groups are a great opportunity for men who are looking to move forward into deeper relationship with self and others, and I’m honored that some of my work will be included as a resource.
nobody’s perfect
nobody’s all bad
nobody’s all good
and nobody knows
what it’s like to live in
somebody else’s skin.
I’d like to understand why people did the things they did
I’d like to know what was going on in their heads
and their hearts
but the only thing I know for sure is that
I’m the last in a long line of lousy childhoods.
people tell me
why can’t you just get over it
which really means
why can’t you just forget about it
but they don’t understand that
forgetting is not a solution
because what is left forgotten
is left unhealed.
they don’t understand that
I have to find all the pieces of myself
that were shattered over the years
and lie scattered on the road to forgiveness.
they don’t understand that
I have to face my ghosts
so I don’t pass them on to someone else
like someone else
passed them on to me.
I have to face my ghosts
I have to find them
I have to name them
I have to know them
I have to set them free.
(PDF version)
the rammer
the fall
the voltage
our genetic code
our technician.
the function
the knowledge
the development
the awakening
human being of the universe.
history
justice
love
god
the method
the concepts
the human alcohol.
the animal
the uniforms
the fact
the substance.
the good ones
the false people
the ventilator
the safe rotation predetermined by the universe.
a fish
a whale
the surface
the circuit
the number.
the good people
the pure
the unspiritual instruction.
the zombie
the jesus
the birth of the papa of the sky
our new age of the inoperative man.
the enormous game
the audio one
the marks of the attraction.
the truth
the servant
the attention with perspective
the instrument of the development
the eyes of the humanity.
the commerce of god
the god of the mind
god is the alcohol
the scare of the age.
(PDF version)
volcano cuisine (firetrap dream #1)
there are four volcanoes nearby
in various stages of eruption and
pre-eruption.
one of them has a restaurant atop the crater
people are still there eating.
I can’t believe they haven’t left yet.
(PDF version)
temptation + obligation (firetrap dream #2)
I’m sitting between two women
the woman on my right is my girlfriend
the woman on my left is a friend of hers
her friend is incredibly warm + sexy.
we’re sitting on top of a bus
the bus is parked on the side of the street
we’re watching people come back from fighting the fire
it’s like a parade.
her friend starts
coming on to me
flirting with me
she asks me what my birthstone is
she tells me
how attractive I am
how much sexual power she feels around me
she begins to kiss the side of my face
her lips are warm full + soft
I like it.
my girlfriend starts to get upset
in her usual restrained way
I’m really leaning on her + now
her friend’s really leaning on me + I feel like
this isn’t fair to my girlfriend at all.
(PDF version)
a police captain thwarts a crime boss on the eve of a big election
a preacher vows to keep racketeers from infiltrating his congregation
a hitchhiker is framed for murder in florida tomato country.
a treasury agent sets out to nail a mobster for tax evasion
a boxer known as killer mccoy falls for a bookie’s daughter
a soldier rescues a colonel’s daughter and fights ninjas in the philippines.
a carnival operator tries to end his sister’s fling with a rookie lion tamer
a retired gunfighter sides with homesteaders against a cattle baron
an army major leads convict soldiers into france on a suicide mission.
a dashing british privateer raids spanish ships with his queen’s permission
an fbi agent tracks giant mutant ants from new mexico to los angeles
a straight-shooting cowboy goes after his friend’s murderer.
so
what do you do for a living?
(PDF version)
deaf eaR dad guy
testes last stand.
scaRy motheR takeoveR
fatheR figuRe bReakdown.
chain mail pipe dReam
injuRed family dance.
house of the bRoken pRomise
won’t get fooled again
again.
(PDF version)
your indifference slices me bloody wide open
the deeper it cuts
the faster I dance
jumping through hoops
with my guts hanging out.
(PDF version)
